forgiveness is hard

I struggle with forgiveness.

I mean... I'm sure most people do but...

It really annoys the life out of me that I just can't let certain situations or people go.

I'm pretty sure it's just my pride.

"Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before stumbling", the old book says. "Better relationships and increased peace of mind" is the reason to forgive, many religions of the world insist. Ironically enough, a new study insists that forgiveness is good for the heart. Research dating back to the 1980s insists that the physiological impacts of forgiveness include lowered blood pressure, improved sleep, lower levels of anxiety, lower levels of depression, lower levels of perceived stress, lower levels of cholesterol, and increases to life.

Forgiveness is aptly described as "a change of heart". And holding a grudge can, literally, make you sick.

Today, I realized that forgiveness is a choice. I'm been waiting for the moment ... for the feeling ... that would tell me that I could forgive. But, its been months. Somewhere, deep inside, I'm starting to believe that feeling will never come to be. So I must make a choice to forgive. Say the words and release my spirit. Everyday if need be. Until the feeling actually exists.

And then, I think, every thing will be okay again.


“Until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is.” 
— Marianne Williamson

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