unapologetic - [the year the fucks flew the coop]

Erykah Badu recently minded me of the importance of keeping a clean house and it brought back to mind the promise I made to myself at the end of last summer.

Love myself more. 
Self-care as a must.
Be unapologetically me.

I've realized that I have been slacking in making me a priority over the years. My knack (or natural inclining due to my Bible-based upbringing) for self-sacrifice and pouring into people has begun to unravel me at the seams and... it's all begun to become quite too much.

Dimming my vibrancy. Pouring into the undeserving. Being mindful of the those who couldn't fathom to do the same for me. Giving fucks when it wasn't my turn to do so. Walking on eggshells for.... naught. That shit just bleeds you dry.

I needed boundaries and needed to seek self-preservation. And I erected them as such: the minimum requirements for being allowed to share my space would include

reciprocity // valuing my presence // celebrating my being // encouraging my aspirations

And, once written down, I felt sheepish. These ideas are, honestly, the fundamental rules of any healthy relationship. It felt strange that I had to intentionally call out and seek these behaviors in hopes of surrounding myself with good & genuine persons. No shade but.... who raised y'all?

Either way, if you can't help me realize my goal of self-actualization, if you can't support my goals/hobbies/aspirations, if you can't love on me in the same manner that i love on you, if you attempt to dim my light, or if you feel intimidated by my light, then.... you'll just have to get the hell gone.

And I'm unapologetic about that decision. If you find me to be more abrasive than your liking, then take it up with your spiritual adviser. I will no longer stand stagnant in order to appease those around me.

I have to charge headstrong into my being and find the solace and peace that lives in that place.

So in this year...
this 30th year of life on this earth....
this is the year in which I cut all the bullshit.

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